i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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