I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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