my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
