We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
