I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
