I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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