why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
