is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Randomize
