lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
