I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
