When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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