ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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