Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
