i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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