I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
