I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
