just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
