if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
