I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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