we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
