You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
