I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
