i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
