I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
