I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
