Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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