the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
