I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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