his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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