make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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