I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
