Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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