Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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