Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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