Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
