Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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