just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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