Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
