yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
