I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
