his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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