I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Bring me that man meat
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I love you. Go after that dick
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
