i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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