Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
