I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
