he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
