I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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