I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
