She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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