Betty ford says i'm here all night
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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