I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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