im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
