Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize