i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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