Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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