you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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