guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
