FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
