went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
