How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
