The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
