If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
