Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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