Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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