I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
