Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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