3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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