i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
