Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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