I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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