If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
