god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
