Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
FUCK WHALES
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
