i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
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