also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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