I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
