i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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