Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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