So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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