I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
