I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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