omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I enjoy the company of your penis
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
