Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
BRING THE BAGELS
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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