Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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