she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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