I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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